The Swearing Texan's Anime Review

4/25/03: Excel Saga

Sweet Executions of re-tarded folk, where do I begin about this?!  All right, y'all, there's this girl, okay, and she looks pretty cute if she weren't warpin' herself all the time.  She has this friend, who she lives with.  Normally, I start cheering for the sex right away, but no, the other chick DIES.  Then they keep this dog around and talk about eating it.  Honestly!  Dogs and cats have no place in the kitchen, or BBQ Pit.  They are cute, cuddly animals, and are therefore not subject to our con-sump-tion.  We should only kill the ugly critters, like cows, chickens, pigs, and lobsters.  That, and lobsters make a bitchin' noise when they boil!

1/4/02: Cutey Honey

I woulda rather have my balls scraped off by a lunch lady's greasy ladel than watch this crap again.  Anyone seen that one anime music video where that girl injects this stuff in her boobie?  Well, THIS is where it came from.  Folks, we've seen some crap on this here page, and it'll be a LOOONG time before that trend will end, but this will forever burn a scar in my mind.

12/3/01: Pilot Candidate

And again, after thinkin' that I had scraped the bottom of tha barrel fer anime, I see this.  It seems that I was ta LIFT UP the barrel, I'd find this.  Graphics of the space ro-bots (think Gundams that belong in a 2nd year CG art student's portfolio), just go from shit to super-shit (which can act as a great fertilizer!), the kid shouts "woman!" fer about 2 minutes, then smacks some kid like a pussy in the face, and...Hell, I've got to go shoot something because of this.

*goes out and shoots neighbor's cat with a BB gun.*

11/16/01: Serial Experiments Lain

All that stuff I said about Evangelion?  Scrap it.  THIS is wierder.  I ain't finished it, but so far this little schoolgirl gets into computers, and is slowly seeing dead people, or sumthin'.  I'm a-waitin' for Bruce Willis to pop up, yell "Yippie Kai-AY, Mudda Fugga!!"  There'd better be a lot of explainin' goin' on on those last two discs...

11/16/01:  Neon Genesis Evangelion

HOOOLLLLLIIIIEEE STEAMIN' PLUG SUIT!  This here annie-may's got to be the strangest thing I've seen them durn Japanese put out yet.  There's this kid, Shinji, right?  And he's a wimp, right?  So he gets shuved in this big ol' robot thingie, and things go downhill.  Then there's this filly Rei.  She's cold, nuthin' that a little whiskey can't help.  Ha Ha!  Then there's the other chicky, Asuka.  Again, Cap'n Whiskey to the rescue.  That, and a few slaps should do the trick.  So anyway, the whole thing wraps up with that Shinji kid watching this MESSED UP play, and then the world happened (I got no clue,) and people are applauding.  I never think I'll see sumthin' so strange again.